


Forgiven Deceit

by zarinthel



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28843173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarinthel/pseuds/zarinthel
Summary: Some sacrifices were worth the cost. He had to believe that.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Forgiven Deceit

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this over a year ago, directly after finishing 5.0. Good times

Urianger resists the urge to throw the book across his room. There was _nothing_. Nothing that would save Valerian from the white pain and madness of the sin eaters, nothing that would assuage the pain, slow the symptoms--

He suspects that not even death would save the warrior of darkness now. In the Greatwood, Valerian had struggled, taking on too much. But Urianger had been assured. 

Some sacrifices were worth the cost. Urianger would willingly let many more than just the Crystal Exarch bear the price of Valerian’s life, if that was what it took. 

In the Well, Valerian had _suffered._

Urianger had been prepared with an explanation, had Valerian only asked. But he hadn’t asked, hadn’t been surprised, or worried, or resentful. 

He had simply carried on. 

Urianger doesn’t know what it was like (is like), carrying that much Light, but he has done his research. Those showing signs of sin eater corruption lose their senses. They claim to see only white, hear only the call. They have problems tasting, or smelling. They feel less and less of anything-- except for pain, and hunger. 

Studies kept by various organizations like the Inn at Journey’s End say that there is no sure way to tell how long it will take for someone to succumb. People hurt by powerful eaters will generally turn quicker, some theorize. Staying in the shade will prolong it, some think. 

It’s best to kill the afflicted, all sources agree. Powerful warriors make powerful foes. 

Urianger suspects that should Valerian turn, no force on this plane would be able to take the Light from his alabaster grasp. He would rule a dead world at best, and at worst would be able to teleport between worlds, bringing the full force of the Light’s devastation to the Source. Soulless but not mindless, the opportunities for horror pile up in Urianger’s mind just as the books pile up on his desk. 

Useless. 

Urianger’s linkshell rings a little, and he hastily reaches his hand up to activate it. 

“Urianger,” Y’shtola begins. “He’s awake.” 

Unlike Valerian, teleportation is quite taxing on Urianger. He doesn’t have the aether reserves to do it often, and it’s usually better just to take the walk to the Crystarium. 

He ports to the Crystarium without a second thought. He needs to--

There’s a silence inside his head where his lies usually sit. 

He needs to make this right. 

Valerian’s not in his room. The manager says he left hours ago, throwing a worried look at Urianger as he does so. 

“Hey... I don’t think he looked so good, sir,” the elf says to him, biting at his lip nervously. “He nearly missed the stair step on the way out of the building. Is he...?”

Though occasionally absent minded, Valerian generally moves like a well worn blade. Heavy, direct, and slips right through the crowd with only the faintest mark of his passing. Urianger cannot actually imagine Valerian missing a step on the stairs, his mind rebelling at the image. 

“Pray, did thee observe his steps?” 

Urianger needs to see him. 

“I don't know, sir, sorry. But everyone’s been keeping an eye out!. He’s a bit of an inspiration to the Crystarium, you know. Always seems to have time to help someone out, even if he really should have better things to do... you’re his friend, right? It’d be unprofessional to bring it up, but he really helped out over at Fort Jobb. A lot of my friends are guards, and.. Well, everyone has trauma, these days. He gives people the courage to keep going. I’d hate to see something happen to him.” 

The elf was fumbling his words, over eager in his desire to tell a mere stranger how much Valerian meant to him. 

“I shall do my utmost to convey thine sincerity,” Urianger promises, when he realizes the silence has stretched a bit too long. He quickly moves on, mind sorting through the places where Valerian might be. Not the Exarch’s chambers.. Probably. Valerian doesn’t like spending time in other people’s spaces. Not the markets, because he’s not good with crowds. Not the aetheryte plaza...

“Urianger!” 

He hears Y’shtola call for him across the square. 

Right now she seems to be the only Scion willing to directly communicate with him, even though she should be the one most angry at him. It never fails to baffle him, her eyes that judge and accept in equal measure.

He doesn’t deserve her trust. 

“Urianger, I can see him at the Amaro Launch! Hurry!” 

He ends up at a dead run. 

Valerian’s.. Leaving?

He can’t leave, not without..without.. He cannot leave Valerian alone to face this. He must have questions, things he needs to know, information he wants to hear from Urianger. 

But when he sees Valerian, all of that dies in his throat. 

It occurs to Urianger that with this much Light in him, his Echo must be stronger, more sensitive than ever. Closer to what Lyse had told him for Fordola, with it’s never ending flashes of truth. 

He hopes that is not the case. But in Valerian’s eyes, he can see the knowledge that was concealed from him. The pain that Urianger had so hoped to spare him... 

“I see,” says Urianger. “By thy looks, I gather thou has already gleaned what I hath come to tell thee.” 

Valerian nods. 

But.. the hero of Eorzea, the god slayer.. He’s staring to the left of Urianger’s face, eyes squinting far more than they should. It’s like.. he can barely see them at all. His hand grips the edge of the amaro handler’s counter like without it, he might once again fall to the ground. 

Urianger makes his case, but..

Valerian smiles at him, as certain in this as he ever was when he had so fully trusted Urianger not moments after he had sent him into a trap set by the Warriors of Darkness, never once blaming him for the loss of Minfilia. 

“It’s good to see you all again,” he says, sweet and sincere. Calm as Alisiae rages, sure as Ryne pleads, the warrior of darkness one last time for the Crystarium. 

When Urianger knelt before him, he knew even then that nothing would be enough. There was no cure for sin eater corruption. 

Until the end, he will stay by Valerian’s side. Until corruption takes him, too, for he does not think he can bear to raise arms against him. 

Within him is a weak soul, vulnerable, fallible, ignorant. 

Moenbryda, forgive him. He will bind himself here, to this star, and stay with it in its pyre, and by his sins be found judged. 

Minfilia... he does not deserve even her forgiveness. 

Louisoix.... He was always the second best pupil. 

Urianger stares up at the endless Light. 

No matter they lurk in the dark shadow of the Tempest.. He shall devote all his knowledge to the warrior of light. For those who have gone before. 

For those who walk after.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment : )


End file.
